The Moving Child

I have not been writing much.  The 50,000 word write for NaNoWriMo took a great deal of energy and focus – and that’s good, don’t get me wrong!  And I “won”  which is an honor and I am basking in the glory of it all as we speak.

However, as soon as I accomplished that goal, my oldest son, who has been sitting on my couch for the last six months, “suddenly” decided to move to Colorado with his girlfriend.  Now I have many friends who, upon turning 18, loaded up their car with everything they owned in the world and promptly drove across the country – east, if they grew up in the west and west if they grew up in the east.

And it didn’t seem all that spectacular or odd. Or dangerous or even difficult. I own an copy of On the Road, really, how hard can this be?
Hard if you are the parent and the child will not plan, organize and execute exactly the way you would, have, done, are doing.
So it’s taken all my energy to not say something – anything.  It takes all my energy to not help.  It takes all my focus to not cry out, but you’re so young!  He is not young.

And adventure is most important.
We will keep everyone informed.

Beach Afternoon in November

I come for the light. The morning light that illuminates the foam of the waves as they layer into shore by threes.

I come for the afternoon light that streaks into the kitchen and brightens the blue tile counters and appropriate beach white cabinets.

I come for the sunset yellow that heats the front porch, out favorite stop. we pull out the indoor furniture (sorry Aunt Sharon) and sit facing the ocean and the wide beach below. The beach house, that’s all it’s ever been called. is perched on the last bit of land in an old village. It commands an unobstructed view of the beach, two points that create the bay and the flat pacific beyond.  I grew up with this cabin, this perfect house.  My dad grew up with it, my children grew up with it.  It is mine, this beach and I love it as my cousins and friends love it.

It is perfect, this light, this privacy, this way of being from the world – no newspaper delivery, no phones, no television, no radio.  I could hook into an ipod if I want, I could watch movies on the lap top. But that would not be the point.

The point is to get away, to have a retreat and to be.

This is what an day on the coast does for me – allows me to be. About four times a year, I get to sit – to be – and spend the afternoon watching the light.

Crap, It’s Craft Season

Crafts.
I flip through the magazines that congreagate on the side tables between hair dryers at the salon.

The headlines are encouraging: Christmas Crafts, Easy to Create, Felt Fun. I can create, in minutes;  beaded napkin rings,  hand sewed pillows; original ornaments. That festive touch. Is entirely up to me.

Although I think of another F word when gazing on the perponderance of craft projects. I never did get excited about crafts, I cannot glue or paste my way out of a paper bag, or decorate that same bag.

Yet the holidays make me feel guilty that I’m not spending my dark evenings doing that very thing.
So what is my craft then?
Writing.

If I can’t make the silly ornament, maybe I can describe my mother when she’s in the throes of fabulous felt fun. Maybe I can write an essay about the first Christmas ornaments on the newly wed holiday tree.

I can compose a poem listing all the gifts I hated.

Writers can be crafty, if they’re crafty enough.

Not writing anything else

One of the things about participating in the infamous NaNoWriMo is that other writing can fall by the wayside. Including blogs.

Racking up word count against a 50,000 word goal is a heady and delicious thing.  Not that all those words are perfect, they are not.

But look!  So many!  And among the plastic costume words are some genuine jewels.  I’ll let you know if I find any.

In the mean time, that’s what I’m indulging in, an orgy of writing.

Give it a try, it’s not too late:  Www.NaNoWriMo.org

Join the crazies!

Why do Large Publishers Reject Self-Published Books?

I recently posed this question to an agents panel:
Why do publishers refuse to work with self published books?

Because, explained the agents patiently.  If the author can’t sell 50,000 copies of their book, then the publishers can’t either.

Just to clarify.

If a single author who bothered to produce and promote their book, but probably has little experience in PR and  marketing as well as a full time job, possibly a family, can’t sell his or her book, then a large publishing concern with a full staff of marketing and PR professionals, a sales team and distribution contracts with chain book stores can’t sell the book.

What I’m hearing is that any individual should be able to sell more books than a huge mulit layered corporation. And if you cannot sell 10,000 books all by yourself, then the large publishers certainly cannot sell your book because on the whole, they are no more talented or connected than you.

This begs the very existence of traditional publishers, and they brought it up first.
The new paradigm is that all individual authors should be able to sell thousand of copies of their book all by themselves.  The publishers?  No, they cannot sell books themselves, apparently it’s not what they do.

This explains the trend for pre-famous authors. Large juicy contracts and advances from traditional publishers are bestowed upon authors with pre-existing celebrity, because that individual author is already a permanent feature in Style and People  and can sell her books all by herself. Traditional publishers are so beleaguered and unable to sell books, celebrity biographies are the only thing they can imagine producing.  And that’s what we find in the bookstores, big celebrity biography’s. If the celebrity is already dead so much the better, lower royalties.

The positive take away here?  Smaller, independent publishers have emerged to fill the gap between huge and self publishing, and they can sell books. There are more and more options on-line for you, the small author to reach readers and sell your book.

The message; it’s all about you -  and should you ever contract with a large traditional publishing house, and they promise to sell your book, congratulations!
And good luck.

No Reason for the Season

I kick leaves. It used to be easy to kick leaves, the colorful maple, red and yellow liquid amber and bright yellow ginko leaves carpeted the sidewalks of my youth, there to be scuffed.

The world is far more efficient now a days so tracking down leaves to kick is a bit of a challenge. but I pursue it anyway. I drag my feet through the gutters, race ahead of the gas powered leaf blowers to crunch a small pile of oak leaves before they are scattered to the edges of a park.

l know, a middle aged woman cheefully hiking around in gutters must look like quite a sight, but I find I don’t care.  I want to be involved in the season, and the sound and color of turning trees; that is the season.

What do you love to do in the fall?  Carve the pumpkin? Eat the candy corn because it’s just-harvested- fresh?   Do you consume handfuls of  tiny, individually wrapped candy bars, because you know, they are so small?

This is the time of year when we consider our favorite time of year or our favorite season. Perhaps we consider this because fall is so obvious, perhaps because we are bombarded with the message that December with all its holidays, should be the clear winner in favorite time of year contest.

All that messaging just inspires me to think – hmm, Christmas?  No, no, I don’t think that’s it,  October?  Witches and goblins and candy?  Yes, I love October.  And I love April – my birthday month.  And I really love August which holds no holidays at all.

What is your favorite season?  And how can it be celebrated?

Searching for Cinderella

Searching for Cinderella, the story of desperate parents   and how they launched their son out of the castle.

A long time ago, in a great prosperous land there lived a stressed out king and queen.  They were stressed because their lovely son, the prince, refused to act like an adult and settle down. The prince loved to hunt, fish and slay dragons. He hung  out with his buddies the lords of the land.  All of them frittered their time in wars and other unhealthy pursuits.
When the prince wasn’t out in the country side riding around on horses and jousting, he relaxed at the castle playing loud video games and  overbearing war films late into the night.
The king and queen decided they had enough, the castle, as large as it was, was just two small for the three of them. One of them had to go.

So they decided the fastest way to grow the boy up was to marry him to a girl.  They would sweeten the deal by offering the royal hunting lodge located just 15 miles  more than a day’s ride away as the prince and his new bride’s home.

”It’s time you married and settled down somewhere else.“ The King and Queen announced to the prince.
”But there aren’t any girls where I hang out! “ protested the prince.
”How convenient for you.“ Retorted his parents.  ”But don’t worry , we have a plan.  We will bring the girls to you.  We plan to invite all the geographically desirable girls in the kingdom to come to a big party, our treat.
You job is to pick one out as your wife.“
”But what If I don’t like anyone?“  Whined the prince.
”Unless you want to marry the princess of France, this is it, the most marriageable age girls you will ever find, all in one place. Plus  this is certainly more efficient that leaving it to you. How many girls did you meet while hunting in the forest? Never mind, don’t answer that.“

And so the prince had little choice but to show up at the ball thrown in his honor.  But he was not alone. HIs parents graciously hired a half dozen secret service agents whose sole job was to prevent the prince from bolting to  the nearest tavern.
And from all those young ladies, all those possibilities,  who did the prince choose?
A scullery maid.
The best FU he could manage against his overbearing parents.

Books for transitional women

I put together some of my favorite books for help in mid-life transformation to send to one of my very best friends, who is, yes, facing a mid-life transformation. And I thought, why not share with my friends and clients as well?

So here are some ideas if you need inspiration.  Since I’m a writer, I see all help being contained in a book.

The Life Organizer – Jennifer Louden

I like this approach that is completely different from the Franklin/Covey prioritize your day with lists,  outlines and check off boxes.  Louden not only encourages us to look at the bigger picture, but also look past what we perceive to be societal expectations – those little to do boxes.
Also you can subscribe to her blog for free and it’s pretty encouraging. www.comfortqueen.com

It’s Only Too Late if you Don’t Start Now -  Barbara Sher.

This is an older book, 1998, but  Sher  makes some good, timeless points about finding fulfillment starting at middle age. And again, she brings up the expectations we labor under that aren’t real and don’t help. www.barbarasher.com  (the book is more helpful than the web site)

Ripe Living after 50 -  Susan Swartz

This is a local author and Press Democrat columnist Susan Swartz.  She is encouraging and funny and doesn’t take herself or aging all that seriously.  www.juicytomatoes.com

Succulent Wild Woman  Sark.

This is the only Sark book I found accessible, mostly because the format can be difficult to read. She gives basic advice, going to dinner alone, finding your passion, that kind of thing.  It’s worth a look even if you find only a handful of pages relevant.
www.planetsark.com

Suppose to be working

I find that when face with a project that has a specific deadline, like  the Smart Girls Guide I’m creating. It suddenly becomes CRITICAL that I empty my bulk mail folder.

Expert at being a Master

We reach a certain point in our careers where we identify ourselves as either an  Expert or a Master.

The expert knows everything, and resents implications that she does not. There is a great deal of ego involved in being an expert, experts are not happy with challenges, because since they know everything there should be no more questions concerning their own knowledge base.  Question the expert at your peril. It often does not end well.

Experts operate a closed system.

The Master represents an accumulation of knowledge with the realization that knowledge is never truly captured and never, never static.  So the Master is constantly cycling through the system of mastery:  student, learner, apprentice teacher and then master. Then a new idea, a new technology comes up and there is something to master all over again.

I like being the Master at what I do.  Because how can I be an expert if the target, the finished product that is “to know everything” keeps moving towards the horizon?

How is it possible to hold onto a certain certitude if nothing in our experience is ever certain?

So be a master at what you do, don’t strive so hard to be the expert, because holding onto that status is stressful and will make you cranky because experts are assailed from all sides from either other experts or from amateurs who want to prove themselves against what you know.

But if you are a Master, and are interested in learning, then there are no assailants, just more teachers, more information and more opportunities to make your life richer.